Udzung- what?

So, we went to the Udzungwa Waterfalls last weekend. Our little posse comprised The Engineer, The Sales Guru, Peacekeeper and Chef (Peacekeeper and Chef are two really nice girls we met recently who are American and Canadian respectively)

It was a 2 hour trek uphill to get to the falls.... 2 hours which means 120 frightful minutes which means 7,200 awful seconds.....and did I mention that every single one of those seconds were spent walking uphill????

I don't know what possessed me to agree to a weekend spent outdoors hiking, for crying out loud! Hiking is a fancy outdoorsy word for walking. I avoid walking from my car to the entrance of a mall that's why I park as close as I can to the doors. Why would I want to walk about for hours in the sun?

It's just that I've been thinking that I should try new things and seeing as I'm an indoor (nail-polishing, eyebrow-tweezing, fashion-magazine-reading) kind of gal, I thought the great (?) outdoors would be a good place to start.

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself because the outdoors, much like a woman, can be great to the ones who know how to love her but can be significantly nasty to the ones who don't! That's why they call her Mother and not Father Nature!

To be honest, I was admirably patient for the first half of the trip. I didn't say a word when we had to get out of bed before 6am to start the 6 hour journey. The road never seemed to end although the scenery was really gorgeous at times:



I didn't complain when I had to use one of those holes in the ground that pretend to be a toilet (boy, did I want to run out of there fast...phew!!!) I didn't even grumble when the car developed tire problems and we ended up in the middle of Goodness Knows Where trying to procure a valve for a tubeless tire.

Thank goodness, Peacekeeper speaks Swahili and easily conveyed what we needed to the tire guys.

Unfortunately, she found out more than I bargained for when the tire guy enquired in Swahili if I was attached...apparently he 'liked' me. Not to sound like a total b**ch but did he really think he had a shot? I suppose he deserves kudos for trying. I'm sure self-improvement gurus like Dr.Phil and Stephen Covey would congratulate him on his ability to think positive! Here he is, fixing the tire:




We eventually arrived at our 'resort' at Udzungwa after being delayed for two hours because of the tires. Now, about that resort - there should be an international governing body that monitors the use of the word resort. If I were lying I'd tell you it had a certain rustic charm but I'm telling the truth and charm isn't a word I'd use to describe the place. On the upside, it was clean, quiet and served a limited but delicious selection of food. This was my dinner:


On the downside, it featured a feeble fan that did nothing to stave off the raging heat of the afternoon and the pillows and mattresses felt like they were filled with small pebbles. Plus when we got back from our climb all hot and bothered (well, at least I was bothered) we discovered that there was no electricity and they didn't have a generator!!!!!

We couldn't attempt the climb on the same day we arrived since we only had a couple of hours of daylight left so we did what all good holiday makers do and drank ourselves silly.

Despite the booze, we didn't stay up too late and managed to start up the hill fairly early the next morning. I was initially enthusiastic but my patience ran out in about 5 minutes. That was the instant it dawned upon me that all I had ahead was an upward winding path that didn't seem to have an end and my only reward at the top was some waterfall.


An hour into the climb and I was ready to slap myself for agreeing to come on the trip in the first place. No one else in the group shared my lack of enthusiasm. Peacekeeper and Chef, both very fit girls, are the sort of people who relish pushing themselves to a physical limit (I'm SO not like that!). The Engineer and the Sales Guru had their machismo to fall back on. After all, no man is going to give up halfway through a physical task when girls seem to be able to do it with minimal fuss! So there I was, among all these outdoorsy and macho types, thinking that it would be so easy for anyone to pick me out of the group because I really looked like I didn't belong.

For instance I saw this tree with a vine wrapped around its trunk

At first glance, I thought that the vine was a wire that led up to a lightbulb up in the branches and that the Udzungwa people lit up the path for night climbers or something! I suppose you can take the girl out of the city....

Anyway, after huffing and puffing, I arrived at the top of the hill in one piece and was rewarded with this view (everyone else also arrived at the top of course but didn't huff and puff as much) :



Gorgeous as it was, I still didn't think that the climb was worth it. Why couldn't we just get air-lifted to the top? For a two hour uphill trek, I expect the Niagara Falls not the Udzungwa Trickle:



Still, it was a challenge and I must say that eventually the adrenalin kicked in and I began to feel good about myself. Here I am trying not to kill myself on the sharp rocks leading to the falls....


Here are my fellow climbers who, unlike me, navigated the rocks at lightning speed and got into the pool long before I did:



Finally in the pool (didn't bring my bathing suit so I look like a super freak!)



Unfortunately, the thrill of the clean, cold water after the long, hot climb eventually faded. Don't get me wrong....I was still feeling fairly pleased as we descended the hill and was all ready to dance for joy when we FINALLY reached the bottom. That's why I was totally unprepared for the proverbial last straw that was thrown in my face.

It turned out that the starting and ending point of the stupid climb were not the same. Translation: we had to walk another 1km in the BLISTERING heat to get to the car!!!!! Just as I thought I was going to be surrounded by blessed air-conditioning, I had to walk in the sun AGAIN! My blood boils even when I think about it now...grrrrr!!! Everyone else escaped my mumbled grumbles but the poor Engineer, who was stuck walking with me, had to listen to me going on and on about how I wish I was getting a manicure at the Kilimanjaro Kempinski instead of dying a slow death in the heat at Udzungwa.

Well, after that, I was determined to get the hell out of there asap and even volunteered to drive (just so I could make sure that we could leave fast!).

Pros and Cons:

The Positive: 1.The fun crowd I hung out with
2. The dip in the super cold pool after an arduous journey in the heat
3. The tightening of my buns after having to walk uphill for 2 hours.

The Negative: Everything else.

Verdict:

From what I've heard from mothers, childbirth is something you'll attempt again only because you eventually forget the pain.
I'm going to say that hiking is like childbirth. I'm going to attempt it again only when I forget the misery which is to say I''ll probably go on another hike like..... never!